Love Unto Death

Sick to my stomach
As the numbness takes over.
Where did these feelings come from?
I can't count the number of deaths
I've died by your hands.
Slain by your sword
With a bloodlust
My blood can not satiatate.
I find myself constantly at your mercy,
Never knowing
What the end result will be. 
I long to trust you,
I just don't have the answers
Or the willpower
To resist any longer.
Can you hear this whisper?
I love you, 
But I fear this love
Will be the death of me.

Note

Since I'm making this blog (a little more) public, I might as well make this clear (again) to everyone who reads: These notes are not about anyone specific, there might be a couple from a while back that are about a specific group of people, but it is so much easier to write and identify a group or type of person as a single entity.

I write from my heart, it just flows. I write when I'm frustrated, I write when I'm sad. I write just to write sometimes. There's not necessarily any rhyme or reason to what I write, it's just me being me. I'm not a journaling type of person, but this is the closest I come. In my notes I vent, I think, I relax and process. Please don't try to read into what I'm writing, it's not for you to interpret. If I want you to know what I was getting at, or what was going on in my mind, ask me, I might let you know. But don't accuse me of being depressed or angry, or anything ridiculous like that.

Zach

All These Things (Revolve Around You)

There are so many thoughts
Racing through my mind
Memories collide
Temporarily causing me to forget reality.
I need you here,
I can’t hear your voice anymore,
I need to see your face,
Your hand wrapped in mine,
Under the stars
On those summer nights,
Take me back to those times.
I can’t stop thinking,
I can’t sleep
Because I can’t shut my mind off,
Every though begins with you
And a question,
Did I do the right thing?
Am I making the right choice?
So many words are lost
And you haven’t heard a single one.
Do you care?
Do you want to know?
Take me back to yesterday
Twisting the hands of time
To give me my chance back.
I never got my shot,
But this time,
I’m not missing my chance.
This story’s not over
Until you’re here with me.

I Should Tell You

So tell me this:
Why can’t I get you out of my head?
Baby, you mean more to me
Than you should.
A longing so deep in my soul
It got lost on its way out.
Oh how she longs to divulge
Every thought whispered,
Every word missed,
Every look misunderstood.
So many things from the past,
Things left unsaid
That should have been screamed out loud..
As the clock tick tocks
To the final moment,
A mystery finale
Neither could guess.
Countless secrets
Begin telling the alternate ending,
The kind the director explains.
Are things better left unsaid?
What are my choices?
I sit staring
At the darkening sky,
Everything on my mind.
What’s more,
You’ve figured out how to run
The never-ending marathon in my head.
One touch,
Like a burn across my arm
That remains forever etched.
Scars remain,
But you’re still here,
Unforgotten.

Masterpiece

Brushes with no paint,
She creates beautiful murals
Through the halls of my mind.
Something unforeseen,
Vibrancy blinds.
A heart that caught me off guard.
I’m lost in the pursuit,
Afraid I can’t keep up.
Is this for real,
Have I lost touch
With my reality?
Another touch
And time races
Unyieldingly forward.
I need a moment
One frozen in time
Never leave me,
Remain here forever.
As the ground sweeps me up,
I need the solid foothold.
My strength has left me,
Heartstrings are fraying,
Urgency is gone,
I surrender.
My thoughts
Now bleed your vibrancy,
Purpose and direction,
Alone no more,
Meaning,
Take the mess,
Turn it into your masterpiece.

One in a Million

The beginning of something new
Is always
The scariest place to start.
So many secrets,
So many thoughts raging
Try to keep up
As everything spills over.
I long to look
Into your eyes
To fully understand you.
What is the meaning of this,
As my hearts drums
Against my ribcage,
And my pulse races rapidly.
All you are doing
Is smiling at me
A smile that calms oceans,
You bring a joy,
You don’t understand.
My heart is breaking
Into millions of pieces
I can’t catch them all
As they fall.
It aches at the thought
Of you leaving,
Walking away.
You are not mine,
Will you ever be?
Are you just a dream?
Or will you stay
A part of my reality.

Someday We'll Know

There’s an ache in my heart
That I cannot describe.
This ache comes
When I see you
And realize
I can never be with you.
When you hurt,
And seem to be
Falling apart at the seams,
I am the one there,
With my arms around you
Trying to hold you together.
He is always there,
But He uses me to help you.
I love you
With all my heart,
But I know
You do not share that feeling.
The thoughts
Run like a waterfall,
Consuming my every minute.
One day I’ll share,
One day you’ll know.
But for now,
I will not lead you
Into confusion,
Not knowing what to do.
I will not wait
Until it is too late,
For that is more than I can bear.